Dear Duet,
When I begin dating someone, I tend to ignore red flags and then of course the relationship ends up being fraught with turmoil. Why is it so hard for me to bow out early on?
Colorblind
Dear Colorblind,
Attention is seductive isn’t it? And hormones are powerful drugs. Face it, you are not in your right mind when you start a new relationship. It’s easy to ignore red flags when you are under the influence of NRE (New Relationship Energy)—most of us do.
I am wondering if you see the red flags and ignore them or if, Colorblind, you don’t even see them at all.
I think everything that you essentially need to know about a person is there from the beginning. That’s not to say that people don’t change and grow but that people are essentially who they are and they can’t really hide themselves from you if you are paying attention.
One way to be able to gracefully bow out of the beginning of a relationship with someone is to take things slowly. It’s easy to be charmed by a new person when you first meet. Get to know the person under various circumstances. Notice how they treat other people; notice how they are when they are under stress; notice if they can think about something or someone other than themselves. Most importantly notice how you feel when you are with them. Can you be yourself? Is there room for your thoughts, feelings, druthers? Are you self-conscious, stressed out or scared?
If you go slowly you will have a better chance of seeing red flags, or even orange ones and you can check out what they mean before you’ve started making the seating chart for your wedding reception.
When I begin dating someone, I tend to ignore red flags and then of course the relationship ends up being fraught with turmoil. Why is it so hard for me to bow out early on?
Colorblind
Dear Colorblind,
Attention is seductive isn’t it? And hormones are powerful drugs. Face it, you are not in your right mind when you start a new relationship. It’s easy to ignore red flags when you are under the influence of NRE (New Relationship Energy)—most of us do.
I am wondering if you see the red flags and ignore them or if, Colorblind, you don’t even see them at all.
I think everything that you essentially need to know about a person is there from the beginning. That’s not to say that people don’t change and grow but that people are essentially who they are and they can’t really hide themselves from you if you are paying attention.
One way to be able to gracefully bow out of the beginning of a relationship with someone is to take things slowly. It’s easy to be charmed by a new person when you first meet. Get to know the person under various circumstances. Notice how they treat other people; notice how they are when they are under stress; notice if they can think about something or someone other than themselves. Most importantly notice how you feel when you are with them. Can you be yourself? Is there room for your thoughts, feelings, druthers? Are you self-conscious, stressed out or scared?
If you go slowly you will have a better chance of seeing red flags, or even orange ones and you can check out what they mean before you’ve started making the seating chart for your wedding reception.
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