Duet Relationship Services grew out of a desire to help people create solid, sustainable relationships from the beginning. Part of that is making good choices about who to date and develop intimacy with and part of it is being aware of how solid relationships are formed and what helps keep them healthy and sustainable.
It turns out that people do research on this stuff so we have some experts to turn to. In particular John Gottman who works out of the University of Washington (http://www.gottman.com/) has studied thousands of couples and has some very good ideas about what creates strong, loving relationships that last. Drawing from of Gottman’s principles and my experience as a therapist, I have created this list of good habits. Here are the first two.
It turns out that people do research on this stuff so we have some experts to turn to. In particular John Gottman who works out of the University of Washington (http://www.gottman.com/) has studied thousands of couples and has some very good ideas about what creates strong, loving relationships that last. Drawing from of Gottman’s principles and my experience as a therapist, I have created this list of good habits. Here are the first two.
Good Habit #1: Be nice.
Kindness goes a long way in supporting relationships. Every time you act with meanness or mal intent toward your partner you make it harder to create trust and intimacy. Meanness causes scar tissue and too much scar tissue makes it hard to recover from small things and almost impossible to recover from big things. Likewise, every act of kindness in money in your relationship bank.
If you are not sure what meanness is I will spell it out here: Name calling, belittling, eye rolling. Lying. Yelling in a way that scares your partner, throwing things, breaking or destroying things that matter to your partner. Putdowns, expressing lack of confidence in your partner, making fun of your partner. I think you get the idea. All of these behaviors are mean spirited and corrosive to your relationship.
If you are not sure what meanness is I will spell it out here: Name calling, belittling, eye rolling. Lying. Yelling in a way that scares your partner, throwing things, breaking or destroying things that matter to your partner. Putdowns, expressing lack of confidence in your partner, making fun of your partner. I think you get the idea. All of these behaviors are mean spirited and corrosive to your relationship.
Good Habit #2: Care about your partner and love them for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
Know what your partner loves to do, loves to eat, where they love to go for fun. Know their dreams and hopes and help them come true even if you don’t benefit. Notice the way they are in the world and appreciate them for that. Loving someone just because they love you often isn’t enough. It’s important to love and respect them for them, not just for what they do for you.
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