Good Habit #3: Create shared meaning
You’ll see on the first page of the Duet website the quote that speaks to this rule.
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Airman's Odyssey
Sometimes couples create shared meaning through raising children, having shared interests, working together on projects. There are two levels of creating shared meaning. One is about what I just talked about. But the other is what will carry you through in the long haul. It has more to do with shared values—what the two of you really care about, what you want your lives to be about, how you find meaning in your life.
I think this is especially helpful to couples who are planning to raise a family. Once the kids are grown and out of the house, couples often look at each other and wonder what to do next. If your relationship has meaning above and beyond raising children (a noble and worthy pursuit) you will have a stronger relationship when you are, so called, “empty nesters”.
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Airman's Odyssey
Sometimes couples create shared meaning through raising children, having shared interests, working together on projects. There are two levels of creating shared meaning. One is about what I just talked about. But the other is what will carry you through in the long haul. It has more to do with shared values—what the two of you really care about, what you want your lives to be about, how you find meaning in your life.
I think this is especially helpful to couples who are planning to raise a family. Once the kids are grown and out of the house, couples often look at each other and wonder what to do next. If your relationship has meaning above and beyond raising children (a noble and worthy pursuit) you will have a stronger relationship when you are, so called, “empty nesters”.
Habit # 4: Share Power
An imbalance of power in a relationship is corrosive over time. It’s not that the power has to be equal all the time but that it is important that both people feel powerful in the relationship. Allow your partner to influence you. Practice being more powerful in areas of your relationship where you under-function. This mixes up the power dynamic in a positive way. For example, if you usually wait for your partner to initiate sex, try initiating and see what happens. If you are often the one who makes decisions (what to do Friday night, what movie to see etc.) let you partner step forward to make that decision. If you feel that there is a big imbalance of power in your relationship talk with your partner and see if, together, you can even it out.
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