Habit #5: Fight fair and kind
Also consider what you are fighting for. Do you just want to be “right” or “win”? Or, do you feel strongly about something that really impacts you? How can you communicate your need in a way that your partner can hear? I can guarantee that shouting at them doesn’t help them hear your point.
If you feel so frustrated that you want to yell, take a break. Walk around the block (tell your partner that is what you are doing—don’t just walk out), drink a glass of water, put on some music that relaxes you. Do something that will ground you and deescalate the conflict.
Mean fighting creates scar tissue and everybody loses. Remember too, that if you have children they are learning from you about how to resolve their own conflicts. They will most likely do what you do, so stay conscious about what you are teaching your kids about how to resolve disagreements.
Habit # 6 Appreciate your partner more than you criticize
If this is difficult for you to do, start slowly. Appreciate one thing about your partner every day for a week. Then notice two things every day that you appreciate. Keep doing this until you can think of five things that you appreciate. It’s like a muscle. As you practice appreciating your partner it will become easier to notice and to say your appreciations out loud.
While you’re at it, you might want to appreciate yourself too. Sometimes we have a hard time giving to others what we can’t give to ourselves.